There will always be days when we will be lost in emotional pain. When others do or say something that touches a wound within us, we will feel the sear of it. When others do not keep promises, when others betray even the simplest of your wishes, the throbbing despair can last a lifetime and exacerbate your unwillingness to trust again.
Today, I am having one of those days. Generally, I post rainbows and sunshine so as to uplift and remind of the core of our true essence, however, this day a storm is raging within me. What keeps me going is the fact that rainbows always appear once the storm subsides.
I feel it is important to share, not so much the graphic detail of the why’s and wherefore’s of my unhappiness, but more the process of moving from despair to something that feels better. While I spend much of my time espousing the benefit of spirituality, I would be remiss if I didn’t provide the application of it.
Many times I have been told that as I am spiritual I do not understand emotional pain because I have never truly suffered. This is not true. We all have the opportunity to experience the pit of despair. It is what we do at these dark times that dictates whether we uplift ourselves sooner, or later. My spirituality has and shall remain, my lifeline. It is the proverbial bobbing log in the stormy sea that I may cling to and tread water. Yes, there are times when I feel I am drowning and definitely times when I feel like giving up. I only feel this way because I cannot identify what I must ‘do’ to effect an appropriate solution. My spirituality reminds me that I just need to ‘be’ and allow myself to feel whatever feelings are surfacing within as the emotions are showing me what wounds within me require my loving attention and inner healing. The art of ‘allowing’ things to be what they are is challenging and to compound it with allowing the pain to point a direction is almost unendurable. But I know, trust and believe that all is serving my greater good. There is a valuable gift meant just for me in the throes of agony.
While my human side is at odds with my world I remind myself that we are all being the best we can be in every moment. Even me. For each experience I have with emotional pain I understand that while I have come far, I still have a way to go. I begin to see that allowing the pain, without being mired in it, creates a pathway for me to walk through it. Denying it, cycling with it, and reinforcing my justification of it keeps me in the dark. It serves no purpose but to exacerbate pain.
In this moment I choose to remind myself that I am bigger than any challenge I face. I am more powerful than my pain. I will remind myself that what I feel is necessary and has nothing to do with anyone else. I claim the responsibility of my feelings. Trust will be an issue that will be addressed every step of the way. I realize that trust is not about other people. People do not need my permission to act or speak the way they wish. Trust is about trusting myself to handle whatever arrives in front of me.
There is a greater power in all of us if we just allow it to lead. In this moment, I will do just that. My human aspect of self will step aside and let the purity of love flood in. I choose to ride that mighty flow towards not only the solution I am seeking but toward my greater good. I know at some magical moment I will be able to release the proverbial log I have been clinging to and be grateful it kept me afloat in the sea of pain. The stormy waters have served their purpose as now I am more aware, I am growing, I am learning and above all, I am loved. It is this that allows me to erase the need to look at things as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. It is this that nurtures me. It is this that carries me. What a wonderful feeling to know—‘it’ is me. With that knowledge I arrive back to my center of authentic power. Now I know the resonation upon which to dedicate my focus. My task now is to sustain that vibration and be gentle with myself if I slip back into something that doesn’t feel good. It is all a process. It is never a quick fix. I am committed to work through this process because I believe I am worth the dignity of my own efforts.
Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post as it helps me to know that someone might find it of benefit in their life. Being of service is never far from my heart–even in darkness. We are all in this cosmic soup together. We should be there for one another. Thanks for being there for me.
Now….I am off to look for rainbows.