On Sept 29th 2017 the unthinkable…the unimaginable…happened. One is never truly prepared to deal with the loss, the emotions, the pain or the numbness of mind when you hear the words, “Sorry, we did everything we could. Unfortunately, she passed away.”
Even though the doctor on the phone was still talking I was barely able to focus on what he was saying. He was detailing every procedure they performed on my aunt, every result, how the team of 12 doctors worked on her heart tirelessly until the heart itself could sustain nothing more. It simply stopped beating. He assured me she was not in pain. He told me she went very gently. I recall praising the doctor and his associates for going above and beyond in trying to help her. He passed me onto a social worker to help me think more clearly regarding the steps to come. I recall just going through the motions but that was okay as that was all I could do and thankfully, all that was expected in the moment.
In the days that followed I did what I could within my foggy mind. I called the Funeral Home, I went to the hospital to collect her effects, I visited her apartment to search for the all important Will and I fed her cat, Punky. Punky meant the world to my aunt and was her constant companion. It was good he was with her as it provided her with the only source of companionship in this world. She shut everyone who loved her out of her life for years. Myself included. Now Punky was the only thing left and he was 18 years old, skin and bones and could barely walk. I found him curled up on my aunt’s bed patiently waiting for her to return. When I looked into his eyes it seemed we both knew it was an impossibility. I stroked his frail body and he nuzzled my hand. I could feel his bones and more importantly I could feel his little soul. I told him he would soon be with his mom. A mobile vet service came two days later and lovingly released him. I take comfort in knowing that somewhere in non-physical my aunt and Punky are frolicking in sheer joy.
My aunt had a very difficult life and suffered mental health issues which caused a level of stubbornness and paranoia. She preferred to isolate herself and did what she could to supplement her monthly payments from the federal government. One way among many of ‘supplementing’ was, as I found out, collecting empty bottles and cans to return for cash. My heart broke. She had family who loved her yet she chose this. I live in the same city and could have easily helped her out. Her two daughters live in Ontario but even so far away would have moved mountains to help her. She wanted none of it. She disowned us all. Until that is, September 25th. She sent me a message on Facebook and left her phone number for me to call her.
I called my aunt that very day and she spoke to me like nothing untoward had ever happened between us. I let her talk. She spoke of her cat, she spoke of GMOs, she spoke of diet and medications. She never spoke of needing help. She didn’t have to. The mere fact she reached out to me spoke volumes. At the end of the two hour conversation I said to her that it was evident she did not want to be alone anymore. Fortunately, she has family who love her and we will all pull together to help her move forward in her next steps toward wellness. She cried. I cried. I told her I loved her. She said she loved me too. Three days later she died.
As a medium I see virtually all the time how those who are readying to make their transition ‘know’ they are about to leave. My aunt was one of those people. She knew. She reached out. Fortunately, our differences, our needing to be right in what had gone on before, melted in the love we felt for each other. This is the second passing in my family where bygones, no matter how vile and vicious in the moment, simply didn’t matter. All that matters is the love. Love is all there is. I am ever so fortunate to have been given the privilege to voice that love. Some never get the chance. Not having the chance though does not mean the opportunity is forever gone. Our loved ones never die. They transform. When we deal with our loved ones in Spirit we are dealing with the very best aspects of them—which is all Love, and their humanness no longer requires forgiveness, frustration, resentment etc. Our relationships continue on even though one is in Spirit and one is still in the physical. The relationship continues on but in a different way. Allow yourself to speak to your loved one in Spirit. They do hear you and do respond. Allow your relationships to heal because they can and they will. Spirit does not want you holding onto whatever pain or anguish their frail human traits caused into being. They get it now. So should you.
Through these past few weeks I have been in awe of my family and friends, including my aunt’s two daughters, who worked tirelessly to make the going easier. Even my ex-husband rolled up his shirt sleeves and was there to help over several days in honour of my aunt whom he had known for years. I will never find the words to express how grateful I am to all of you. I smile in knowing that it is the love for each other, the caring, the honouring and the remembering that shows us who we are, what we are made of and what is in us to give.
All there is and all we are….is Love
It is the only thing that truly matters.